If you could do that night over again, what would you do differently? An interesting pattern I have noticed throughout my time at the gay bars is: every night feels like a fresh start. No matter what romantic misadventure I engaged in or social blunder I committed, The next weekend was wiped clean of any evidence. In all reality, the bartenders remember me as well as any friends made along the way. But events themselves seem completely forgotten. What happens at Just John doesn’t even stay at Just John. It disappears, seemingly sanitized from collective memory and the building itself. Last Saturday one of the greatest examples of this happened to me.

After feeling overwhelmed by the crowd at Rehab’s drag show, I fled to Just John for a calmer environment. While there is still dance music playing, the crowd is sparse early in the evening. The bar doesn’t start filling up until 10, when the drag show ends and people migrate over. I was standing on the patio, watching the crowd filter in when a man was passing by, glanced at me, then stopped in his tracks. It was Janus.

He stared at me with this cartoonish quizzical expression. He recognized me, but couldn’t place how or where. I silently nodded. Yes, we have met before. He then said with relief, “We have met before!” I wanted to figure out what he remembered, or didn’t, about our previous interactions, so all I said was, “Mardi Gras.” He reaffirmed and pointed at me, “yes, Mardi Gras!” You’re so full of shit. He then excitedly asked for my snapchat. I hesitated to give it right away, as I wondered if I was totally blocked after the last incident. But no, my username appeared when he searched and he added me.

This moment was when I felt like I had entered some other reality where our first meeting was erased from his memory. Everything in the bar was the same, except for Janus. I decided the best course of action was to go along for the ride. We walked a circuit around the bar and looked at the crowd before joining a group at a table. The only person I recognized was his boyfriend, who was as silent as before. After several minutes, I was not really brought into the conversation. I began to feel bored and discreetly exited the room.

Later, after a half hour of wandering the bar and people watching, I got a snap from him. He was at Handlebar and wanted me to join his group for a photo. And followed up offering to buy me a drink. I figured there was nothing to lose, so I left and crossed the street to meet them. We took a nice group photo and he tagged me in it, saying, “see how many gay guys add you now!” It took colossal restraint for me not to roll my eyes. You sure think a lot of yourself. the group broke up and they all ran to the dance floor. And no, I wasn’t offered a drink. I should have known that was too good to be true. Again, I felt bored, and not really needed, so I decided to return to Just John. Luckily, I bumped into a friend there and we danced away the rest of the night.

Getting a sort of do over with Janus was an interesting experience, if a little surreal. It reminded me how random and brief bar interactions are, as well as let me employ wisdom I gained from last time. I wasn’t worried about building a friendship or connection. I just decided to go with the flow of things and not consider anything outside that night. While his memory was wiped clean, his problematic personality remained intact. It didn’t bother me. If anything, it made me feel more comfortable with entering and exiting social situations at will. Not feeling obligated to hang around. I learned what I’d do with a repeat first meeting. I’d play it smarter.

Photo courtesy of Just John