In Your Bones, Your Nerves

Trauma is a dreaded guest,

The one who never leaves.

Even when he is gone,

A trail of destruction remains.

Vomit veils the sink, don’t touch it. 

Glass glitters among the eggshells,

Take care where you step.

Even with the door flung open

He may not have gone.

Once you’ve checked your feet for cuts

You hear the booming on the walls. 

A fist pounds for every drop of drink,

A slap for every lonely day.

Feral growls track hours through the night

Keeping feral time.

There is only peace when he sleeps. 

But that is never promised.

You can run, drive, fly away

But all roads lead back to him,

Always, he is there when you land.

With this revelation

Your lungs tighten with Anxiety, 

The snake that coils around them.

Your heart sinks into quicksand. 

Sliding down, down. 

A grain for every lie

Every bottle

Every insult screamed.

Slowly they all fill your lungs

Like a tragic hourglass.

Fighting and clawing does no good.

The air is getting thinner.

Your final thought is to wish him dead,

Despite always being the better person, 

It kills you to be at his level

Where he alone is the winner. 

With a sharp cry you jump awake. 

Clutching your chest, 

Basted in sweat.

The horror slowly fades

As reality illuminates your room.  

A note on your desk reminds you

“He’s been dead for five years.”

Most mornings begin this way. 

Dawn only brings the next 

Round in this twisted game. 

A knock at the door

Sends jolts running down your spine.

The ring of a text message

Signals anxious, shallow breathing.

He is gone from this life.

But he left you trauma as a parting gift.

A family heirloom, it cannot be returned. 

It will always be there

Burrowing in your bones, 

Living in your very nerves.

Writing Is An Act Of Courage

Conventionally, writing is thought of as a creative act. It is creating something from nothing, giving voice to an idea. While I don’t entirely discredit those notions about writing, they seem almost too simple. In my experience with writing, I have found it to be an act of courage. All my writings (poetry, stories, essays, journals) have a singular connection: they express what I can’t or won’t communicate with others. This can include certain people or events that have impacted me or very private thoughts and feelings. Writing can be an act of courage because it brings private ideas into reality when a pen is put to paper. There is something seemingly concrete about writing a statement out. It gives preservation to a though with the once fluid ability to slip through one’s mind and memory. Put simply, the action of writing declares our ideas in a more definite form. From this concept come the reasons that writing should be merited as an act of courage. For myself, the reasons are: writing allows me to face necessary truths about myself and it is a source of strength.

Writing allows me to face necessary, if sometimes unpleasant, truths about myself. This is because writing is a skill nurtured in solitude. Long before being shared or circulated, writing is a sharing of secrets kept between the pages and I. The best example of this in my writing life is my private journal. My journal is where I reflect on my life and myself as a person. There is no need for filters or social graces. There is an amazing sense of trust in solitary writing. Pages cannot talk, nor can they judge. I can openly process my feelings and motivations, even those that make me seem small. Writing allows me to face necessary truths because they are harder to deny when they stare back at me from a page. Writing gives the truth a state of permanence.

Writing is also a source of strength for me. My writing allows me to process. Writing helps me process feelings, fears, ideas, and thoughts, in my most articulate way. I’ve always thought of my poems as pieces of me. If read as a collection, they would give a mosaic-style complex image of who I am. Or at the least, how I see the world. Writing poetry is a form of exorcism. This is especially true when I write about a difficult topic or from a deep emotional state of mind. Poetry is a means of expelling heavy emotions that weigh me down. Casting those emotions from myself and onto the page gives me cathartic relief from them. If I’m able to contain emotions within a finite page, then I can understand them, communicate them, analyze them, and maybe resolve them. This is where strength comes from.

While concepts like creativity are relevant for writing, the most important lesson is in courage. Writing is an act of courage, it expresses commitment to ideas and will to own them. In writing, we confront deep personal truths and find strength in processing our own emotions. These skills require all the courage we have. 





Voices From the Past: A New Blog Feature

Earlier this week, while browsing Buzzfeed videos, I came across an interesting one about a woman who bought a stranger’s love letters on Ebay. They were from the 1930’s between a man and woman who were dating. He was presumed to be ill with tuberculosis during the period of the letters. The vlogger summarized the story as she interpreted it from reading the letters and became very invested in the lives of this couple. Their story ended with some unresolved questions, at least as the letters finished. The vlogger commented on how interesting it was to be seeing into the couple’s lives through the letters and how invested she was in it.

So I got an idea from the video. I decided I would look on Ebay for vintage personal letters. There are a lot available. So to narrow it down I decided to choose my favorite historical period, the World War 2 era. They are letters from veterans to their wives/families. I found a couple different sets for decent prices in the “buy it now” category. I bought two different sets, one is shipped, the other will ship tomorrow. I decided once I get them and read through them, I will create a blog post discussing the experience of reading personal letters from such a unique era, my thoughts and reactions. If they prove interesting, it could be a new hobby. I’ll update on here once I’ve received them and read through them. More to come.



Assorted Poetic Thoughts

I’m a functioning melancholic.

Looking into cappuccino foam is viewing a galaxy, the minuscule shining bubbles are stars with infinite possibility.

As an introvert I make an effort not to be memorable.

I drink cappuccinos on days I can’t afford to sugar coat my own bitter truths. Mochas are for drinking down little lies without question.

I am an eye of the storm, when colliding with the lives of others there is an immense circulating wall of feelings, flaws, and complexities. Those with the will to break through it will find an inner calm, an inner peace with who I am, and all that I have to offer. holding the storm together.

I cry before the things
I cannot have.
Then, I may claim them
In my tears.
But as all things do,
My tears return
To the earth, after all.


A Different Way to Be Lonely

Don’t You Get Lonely?

There’s always a mixed tone of pity and unintentional criticism in the voice that asks me this. The topic doesn’t have to be relevant (being single, preferring to stay in over going out,  having hobbies not requiring social interaction, etc.), but the follow up question always seems the same. In the past, I always would answer no because how I enjoy quiet time or the “lonely” hobby I engage in. It’s a very automatic and familiar without a second thought. However, I have recently tried to view it through a different perspective. My answer today, and moving forward, would be: yes, I do get lonely, and that’s okay.

I believe that there is personal value in solitude, if one wants to see it. What do I do when in a time of being lonely? I reflect. I reflect on myself, my life, choices, desires, relationships. Sometimes, in states of self reflection, I learn new things about myself. I develop new explanations for aspects of myself I don’t fully understand or problem solve an internal conflict. I guess the similar term for this in psychological circles would be “self actualization”.

Society doesn’t value loneliness enough. I’ve met so many people that are lost if they aren’t constantly occupied by something. They simply do not know what to do with empty time. Most others typically think of being lonely as negative or a weakness. They see it as unproductive or boring. It is if that’s what you make it. If a more positive concept for loneliness was promoted, or the idea of self actualization, then many people would find more to gain within rather than expecting it from outside them.

Everyone should learn how to be alone. It is my thought that those are the times we discover the most about ourselves. Knowing as much as possible about myself, my strengths, and my flaws, has helped me prevent past internal conflicts from occurring again. I learn ways of preventing decisions I know aren’t in the best interest of my emotional health, even though they are tempting. How do I achieve a better understanding of myself? I write things out. The most accessible way is keeping a journal. Keeping a routine journal makes it easier to track personal growth and actualization. It’s physical proof. It’s also harder to deny truth when it is staring back at me in written words.

Another way I communicate my reflections is in my poetry. I would guess people in general will be less likely to try poetry for lack of interest or the “I’m not creative” reason. I think poetry should remain subjective, that it doesn’t have to be considered good or bad. It just needs to be honest. I use my poetry to explain my world and self as I see them. In that sense, I see my writing as true. It also helps to use imagery and vocabulary that isn’t as dry and informative as a journal entry. Vivid description and word choice helps capture ideas for a larger audience to relate with upon sharing. That is simply how I go about my self actualization and I would urge readers to find their own ways if needed.

The concept for this post came about on a gloomy day where I was left with not much else but time and canceled plans. I spent the day doing little tasks, taking a few new photos, and mostly internalizing. During that time, I learned I did pretty well with time to myself after unexpected cancellations. I got the idea that I should compose a post that would portray loneliness in a positive light to counter the grand stigma that loneliness always has to be negative. I hope I’ve done justice to that goal, at the least. Even if you’re not convinced to pick up a pen and journal or actively self reflect, I hope this post has illuminated the idea of loneliness in a new, thought provoking way for you.


New Year’s Post

I’m typically not one for “resolutions”. I view them as ways for people to make themselves feel good without any real consequences if they give up a month in. But I do see the value of setting goals. So instead of telling you I’ll “go to the gym” this year, a.k.a get a membership that won’t be used past the end of January, or start a “healthy diet” which wouldn’t go further than me drinking diet soda over regular.

Instead, I decided to come up with goals in my creative life to be my “resolutions”.

1. Continue to regularly keep my journal and engage in self reflection.

2. Try to gain a good niche of readers of this blog. As much fun as shouting at a void is, I hope some are reading this.

3. Complete my short story in progress that I’ve worked on in spurts the past couple years.

4. Keep writing.

So those are my own creative life resolutions. Do you have you any of your own? Whether they be creative or otherwise, let me know in the comments!


Welcome To A Poet’s Perspective!

A Poet’s perspective is a blog for me, an aspiring writer, to share my world and work with a wider audience. I intend to feature many aspects through this site. These will consist of blog posts, poetry and writing, photography, and media reviews. I hope my posts will remain engaging to you and provide a personal sense of how I see the world. I intend to add contact information soon in order to connect with readers. Thank you for viewing A Poet’s Perspective!